For the first time.

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
but we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
sit talking up all night
saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
we're smiling but we're close to tears
even after all these years
we just now got the feeling that we're meeting

for the first time

it's really quite near to new year, is it? although still, around 1 more weeks.
but god, really, a lot of things had happened through out 2010.
how i now knew some friendship doesn't really lasts.. even though i considered them as my bestfriends.
my family complications had decreased in time i became an outspoken woman to tell how i felt,
and also how i understood what true love means.
the 2010 love journey of me: quite long, people :)
january-march:
i'm in love with a guy named let's say, A, just to avoid some misunderstanding. 3 months that i'm in love with him, but he's actually just using me. he likes to ask a great amount of money from me almost every week. what a jerkkkkk
march-july:
I, he's really kind :) he understood me instinctively whenever i'm feeling sad or mad, he always know how to get my good mood back. we're having a relationship for more less a month, and then we broke up because actually he has a girlfriend already. so sad, thought he was the best guy i ever had. well, 2 months later i succeed forgetting him :)
august-november:
my god, kalo inget2 skrg tuh berasanya sedih banget deh. i'm hooked up that time, we could not go to a relationship because of certain things, so sad i have no interest in him anymore right nowww, he's actually a good guy you know? he could get himself to apologize first eventhough it wasn't his fault, he also has a really really great voice ;D i often listened to him singing my favourite songs while playing his guitar, he's really good at it. god, really wished for his happiness.
november-till drop, eh till now hehe:
i'm gonna tell you the story before new year, okay? right before new year. promise, but remind me in case i forgot kan super sibuk hehe.

The Fablous

I have two person that gives me a lot, huge, gazillion of inspirations. 

first :

-Terry Richardson : he is an american fashion photographer, his photographs are noted for their controversial, sexual subject matter. i had always loved his artworks, they are edgy and wild.
as you can see his photographs on his website : http://www.terryrichardson.com/
-Lady Gaga : will always, always be my icon. she is a women with a really great installation. i'm sure she is not mistaken to choose Luc Carl as her soulmate. i can't wait for her new album next february which surely will be incredible :D more : http://www.ladygaga.com/

MYSELF

▲ i am a very suicidal person.
▲ i really hate sarcastic people. well, for me they are noone.
▲ receiving a hug from the back, the greatest moment i will remember.

▲ whenever i decided loving someone, i will try not to dissapoint him even if he did.

▲ i hate my home. i started to feel uncomfort because there are "them" inside.

▲ i dont belong in this world. i mean, i was being rejected wherever i go.
▲ i dont really like kids who likes screaming aloud and acting crazzeeehh
▲ redbull is the best. i like alcohols too, but i still preferred rebull :)
▲ i miss you, *A* . you are the best i ever had.
▲ sometimes being mistaken as a "cheap" girl, but i'm just actually being understanding.
▲ noone knows my true feeling, i tried my best to look straight so that they wont worry :)
▲ i do believe in God. but sometimes i felt that there isn any presence of Him.
▲ good music can boost my mood up.
▲ i am an indie girl, i dont really like being in a groupy with the same style, the same accent.. blah.
▲ i hate staying back when someone underestimate me. you dont know me.
▲ i reallt understood how jerk boys are.
▲ a night out.
▲ i dont like being the center of attention.
▲ i love hardcores.
▲ i dont really care with smoking guys. but i hate boys who cimeng. kaya orang kampung, you know.
▲ text better than speak.
▲ i adore someone from their manner, second the style.
▲ everytime i tried making my own d.i.y stuff, i dont know why it always fails.
▲ dont try to snap me when i dont notice the camera. it will be super shit.
▲ i like the feeling when someone i love wants my attention. that's really cute.
▲ i always wanted to cry each time i listen to a music that has a deep meaning. i want to create the same one, even better.
▲ honestly, i dont like backstreet relationships. it always ended up bad.
▲ i hope someday i will play russian roulette with you.
▲ i dont care with lesbians, gays bisexual whatsoever as long as they are well mannered.
▲ bibimbab is the worst food i had ever eaten. never remind me how it tastes, i will definitely vomit.
▲ had ever tried suicide once.
▲ now is 22.0 and i haven't taken a bath or having my dinner. thanks to you, blogger.
▲ bye, see you later.

Its You.

God , thankyou so much for him. 

i love you because there is none like you.
i love you because you always tries to understand me.
i love you because i enjoy every second with you.
i love you because you always knew how to make me forgive you.
i love you because your hug is the best. the warmest.
i love you because i'm created to.
i love you because you know what to do to make me smile.
i love you because you are the best i ever had.
i love you because i don't have anyone else.
i love you because you love me.
i love you, dear.

P.S : i love you because you are YOU.

Attach Here .

An attachment to something or someone is holding on to the belief that a certain thing or person will fulfill you. attachments keep us alive. they make us strive either to keep what we have or to pursue what we want. but sometimes they can also stick us in neutral, running in circles and getting nowhere. i was stuck, that much was sure.

Live Our Life

Thanks to Good Charlotte.

i just wanna live. the song has a really great meaning for each of us, i'm sure.
no matter what kind of life you're living,
just live.

first of all, do you know why are we given lives?
to make ourselves happy, isn't it?

remember, this is our life.
having your parents divorced,
having your grandpa passed away,
having your report card marked down Fs,

so what?

a divorced parents doesn't mean that we don't have parents anymore.
well, that's their own problem.
so why bother?
a red marks written on the holy report crap doesn't mean that we are dumb.
it's just our talents are hidden somewhere else instead on the report card.
so why bother?

"my life"
MY life.
this is our lives, so we are the first priority.
because it isn't our parent's life.
because it isn't our teacher's life.

we are not selfish by saying all of this.
we do everything that we want as long as it doesn't bother any lives.

even if you go to the clubs and get tipsy,
even if the jack D's making you drunk,
slapped on the cheek but why must we care?
we just wanna live.
just..
be happy.

Sweet, as gone

We like to think there are some things we would never do. standards that we set to guide us through even the most difficult circumstances. depending on what's at stake, however, we may find ourselves thinking and acting in ways we could never have imagined. it's easy to draw a line in the sand, but sometimes it's hard to find that line when the wind begins to blow.

Hummingbird Heartbeat

you make me feel like i'm losing my virginity
the first time and the time when you touchin' me,
i make you bloom like the flower that you never seen.
under the sun we are one buzzin energy.

let's party to create affinity
this evolution with you comes naturally.
some call it signs
signs
we call it chemistry
this is the story of the birds and the bees.

even the seasons change
i want it to stay the same.

you give me that...
hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

flown a million miles just to find the magic seed
oh Iiwould flower with the power that bring light to me.
your so exotic, my whole body fluttering
constantly craving for a taste of your sticky sweet

always on the brink of a heart attack
you can be alive and keep me coming back
i see the sun rise in your eyes
your eyes
you gotta future full of blue skies
blue skies

even the seasons change
i want it to stay the same.

you give me that...
hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

you love me, you love me never love me not
not
oh no
when we are in perfect harmony
you make me so right toward your (sip of me).

oh your wings could make me fly.
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hey yeah
hummingbird heartbeat
hey yeah
hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

Hummingbird Heartbeat

you make me feel like i'm losing my virginity
the first time and the time when you touchin' me,
i make you bloom like the flower that you never seen.
under the sun we are one buzzin energy.

let's party to create affinity
this evolution with you comes naturally.
some call it signs
signs
we call it chemistry
this is the story of the birds and the bees.

even the seasons change
i want it to stay the same.

you give me that...
hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

flown a million miles just to find the magic seed
oh Iiwould flower with the power that bring light to me.
your so exotic, my whole body fluttering
constantly craving for a taste of your sticky sweet

always on the brink of a heart attack
you can be alive and keep me coming back
i see the sun rise in your eyes
your eyes
you gotta future full of blue skies
blue skies

even the seasons change
i want it to stay the same.

you give me that...
hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

you love me, you love me never love me not
not
oh no
when we are in perfect harmony
you make me so right toward your (sip of me).

oh your wings could make me fly.
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hey yeah
hummingbird heartbeat
hey yeah
hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

Inspired by you

I'm freeeeeeeeee akhirnya uas selsai! hehe trims God for Your guidance through this week, i have done all of my tests well :D so this is the review :

first day :
- Science : mati gw, susah banget. kalo biology sih gw masih bisa karena afalan, tapi physics nya yauda lah pasra aja =_=
second day :
- English : upil, gampang. reading nya tinggal cari di text/ picture, tp grammar nya ada 1 bagian dari 7 yang gw kurang bisa sih.
- Social Studies : the essay part was not so hard, but the multiple choice. bbhuuuhhhhhhhh
third day :
- Religion : uber-ridiculous, really. kyknya emg sir filip ga niat bikin soall =___=" PG nya aja jawabannya A semua, and when i questioned him oh are you sure, sir he said that it was to make it easier for him to check yaelaaah. terus essay nya ada 2 nomer yang mirip2, 1 nomer pake logika, sisanya liat di alkitabbb. ahahah!
- Indonesian : not as hard as i thought, biasanya susah banget sih soalnya. heheheehehehehe
fourth day :
- PKN : no comment
- Maths : lumayan hehehe :D gw cuman gabisa aljabarnya doang, kalo yang laen sih bisalah hehe
today :
- Computer : i dont study at all for this lesson. really, soalnya catetan gw pada ilang semua
- Zhongwen : sorry sok-sokan banget zhongwen zhongwen, ahahah, mandarin maksudnya, inisih gampil hihihi yang bikin huang laoshi sih jadi jawaban part 1 ada di part 2, jawaban part 2 uda ada catetan kosakatanya. ahahah, i did it only for 30 minutes but after then i just dont know what to do -__-  yaudah deh gambar-gambar terus ngobrol ama  baby franky & stephanie :)

so on monday, tuesday, and wednesday i will have the days off :D tp gw gatau sih mo kemana, jalan ama temen males anak2 kelas gw pada ga seru semua. you know, they seems to have their own groupies and when it comes to another topics they dont used to talk langsung mukanya ga enak gitu, aduh malesin bangett deh. angkatan gw yang gw ngobrol sehari2 ya paling cuma chelsea gaby gitu2, wah kalo ga ada mereka i'll be freezed to death. cowok2nya masih asik sih, yang tongkrongan gw dulu itu.

gw lagi berpikir buat seterusnya lebih banyak nulis pake indo aja, soalnya pada protes sih katanya mikir dulu kalo baca blog gw. yaudalah, as you wish guys. anyhow, i am really really in a good mood now. not only because the test is over, but because there will be so many activities ahead like class party, class meeting, christmas celebration etc where i can be free to talk to him :D