Being someone who you're not is exhausting. but better to be phony than lonely. that was the way i saw it. in my experience, sitting ducks were dead ducks. but with my whole duck scenario, the question was: was it better to waddle alone in agonizing fear that i would be caught and dragged away at any given moment or was it better to know what i was surrounded by other "ducks" that looked and acted exactly like me, possibly sparing my life by sacrificing theirs? our will to survuve is inherent, i thought, and our will to be popular is survival.
Sorry for putting johnny bravo here. just realized how i used to love watching the series at cartoon network past years ago. his catchphrases "oh, mama!" became popular, fall in love with him. but it doesn't mean that i like big guys. give me a muscular beefcakes and i will turn my head to a dork who loves reading comic books. they are just cute.
Anyway, missing someone who looks like a dork. when i thought it was the time to let go, it it just depressing. letting go, for anyone at any time, can be the hardest thing to do. it is an admission of defeat, of failure. i was one of those people. letting go meant that it was time to give up on everything i had hoped for and dreamed about. that everything i had wanted for was all for nothing. that life was more or less a crapshoot and i had rolled a seven.
No comments:
Post a Comment