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1. some people are in constant fear that their heart might cease between beats, feeling each pulse as a countdown to the end and rather than a vital sign of life. others are barely aware that they even have a heart beating inside them, moving through the day unecumbered by the complexity of their inner workings. worry may not change the outcome, but it definitely affects your outlook. better to care too much than too little?

2. words not only help us express emotion, they distance us from it as well. they can be useful safety net, protecting your heart from overexposure, parceling out your true feelings in carefully crafted syllables rather than gushing sincerity. they can also be misinterpreted, doing damage by creating an impression in someone else's mind that wasn't intended. sometimes, things really are better left unsaid.

3. most hope is false if you think about it. it's a belief that an outcome will be positive despite evidence to the contrary. but where would we be without it? it's the mind's compass and the heart's buoy, which we cling to as we wait for help to arrive. without hope, life is sink or swim.

I fell in love with you

today is the first day of first step to shine, my school's very first cup. i came to school at 9 and went back home almost 5. it was pretty exhausting although i did not participate in any competition. but the good thing was that he came to my school, thanks god i was around today :)

i am craving for the best ice cream i ever tasted in my whole life, BEN JERRY'S CHERRY GARCIA.

ice cream is really addicting, so is love. and love is a master of altering my outlook on life. i mean, if someday you experienced your life turning asundered, a person whom you loved could make you say "life is good" evenless if you are loved back by that person.

but that does not mean i am being loved back by him. all of people think i am very stupid. i keep on maintaining someone who won't even stand staring at me for a minute, that much is sure.

yes, he is so ignorant.

i think i should learn more how to appreciate people around me who loves me. i really understood the fact that every people will feel loss if they are abandoned. i also want an attempt to put behind the person who can't appreciate my feeling and learn to love the person around me who cared a lot about me. anyhow, you can call woman a completely brainless creature. they always ignore the people who loved them very much, but give all their love for someone who does not even care for them.

Everybody says: "I Love You"

easy for you to say, talk is cheap. if it wasn't, people might not toss around "i love you" like a marked-down phrase in a sale bin. being stingy with your feelings, saving it up for a worth-while moment, should make it all the more meaningful to the person you eventually tell, no matter how long it takes. if you are with the right person, it is an investment worth making. the trouble is, sometimes you can wait so long to hear it but that you go broke inside.

life is not about how many breaths you take, but how many moments take your breath away.

You are shining in the starlight

i know it's a late post. i had seen the movie a month ago and i have just updated my comments right now. well does not matter, i'm pretty sure all of you like this movie.. a lot!

:)

Rapunzel is awarded the best animated movie this year.. by me! (i don't know if the movie awards had rated it to the first chart or not) it was a really great movie, and i think mandy moore sang really well for the original sound tracks, i love healing incantation the best :) but never mind if it does look great only after it was converted using certain instruments only.

it tells about a princess with magic hair named Rapunzel who was kidnapped by Gothel and isolated in a tall tower. every year on her birthday, the kingdom floats thousands of lanterns to the sky in longing for the lost princess. she met Flynn Rider, the thief who stole things in order to feed his family. they fell in love with each other but Rapuzel was hesitated because Gothel and the two former companions of Flynn make it appear like he was leaving her with the tiara he originally tried to steal which actually belongs to her. at last, Rapunzel realizes that she was the lost princess the king and queen were trying to find and eventually she came back to her parent's embrace.

and at last I see the light

and it's like the fog has lifted

and at last I see the light

and it's like the sky is new

and it's warm and real and bright

and the world has somehow shifted

all at once everything looks different

now that I see you

yes, it is a really nice song.

i keep on repeating the song thousands times. like i once said in my early post, i teared up each time i listened to a song which has a deep meaning to me. and this song is one of a song which almost bring my tears down..

i know it is annoying to keep on talking about love, but he has already been my essence, my priority, a part of my DNA. even though some of them told me to just let go, i won't give everything up that easy. i still need him. i still need his laugh to bring me up when i am devastated. i still need his smile each time i go to and fro and found no answers to my hope. i still need him to survive, and i'm sure i am now right where i meant to be.

19.12.10.

I LOVE YOU.

One Love .

i miss you..

they say that this feeling won't last long, as usual. how could they know? they did not even know these days have been pretty hard for me, and it was SEVERE. it hurts a lot to know that we have no mutual contact for such a long period. and it makes me sad, really.

i still have not figure any reason out for you to keep a distance from me, not a single one. and i do not remember making any enough fatal mistake to cause problems or hard feelings on us. i guess.

all i did was making THE BEST to comfort you.

and i hope that i did comfort you.

but i guess i failed. we are no longer in touch even though sometimes i hardly tried to find you everywhere. i really wish that someday you will try to contact me even just for once. and well. it is not my wish anymore.

two weeks ahead will be my last day of being fourteen, and i hope someone will bring you on my birthday party for a present. and that would be my best birthday present EVER!

i admit that i was acting like a dumb. i do not want any camera or any iPhone. i just want to hear your laughter like i used to hear. your BLENDER laugh. oh yes, it does not blend only fruits or creams. it blends my feeling.

i want to turn back the time. when we are still as close as a couple, more than friends but not less than. the time when you gave your best and warmest hug i ever felt in my life.

once again..

i miss you.

and remember, i will watch over you. you will be save.

Life Is a Series Of Choice

Fun-house magicians and psychics ask us questions and offer us choices as a way to ascertain the things we most want to hear. in other words, they manipulate us. me and her wanted him to make his choice on his own. but he had no idea there was even a choice to be made.

I Miss You

today i saw a bisexual that looked really similar to MICK JAGGER. of course, mick jagger does not wear any pink tank top with mini skirt and net stockings. do you know mick jagger? of course you should know, he was one of the best rock musician!

and you are very stupid if you know mick jagger from ke$ha's song. hahaha.

ROLLING STONE ROCKS!

Velvet Sky .

so sorry for leaving the blog for quite a long time. i got some technical problem with my laptop charger.

okay guys. i know i shouldn't be here, writing on my blog. i should be at SCHOOL. but it doesn't matter, i did not come to school today. the reason was because i am a JACK SPARROW right now. well i won't tell you what do i meant by saying JACK SPARROW (with caps lock), snicker.

anyhow, i got a brainstorm when yesterday my friend told me that he was going to take a side job. i was thinking the same too, it will be great if i surpassed my friends with my own income. i mean, what a stupid thing if i tell my friends that i bought my clothes or my books with my own money. it was given by my parents after all.

my parents had never been EXTREMELY rich. yes, perhaps my dad have a loads of money because i noticed him exchanging his mobile phone almost every, well let's make it too much, every month. and i also wanted to surpass my parents when i grow up. it will be great to be rich. then i can pay everything to make my life easier. a private home at an exclusive site with ten large rooms, a personal chauffeur to drive me everywhere. i hate that.

i know i am a girl with lots of talents. i have the ability of eating two whole durians in 10 minutes. i could bend my finger until it almost reached my dorsal hand. ALMOST. whoops, i am not making fun of myself. i'm serious!! i was planning of taking a side job at Starbucks or McDonald's next year, it would be great. at least i won't have to ask money from my parents to buy me clothes every month. period.

okay enough, my head's asleep. it's like my head is leaning on a toilet lid. funny.



 i know it's really cute. my sister got this chibi maruko-chan from a saloon she went recently.

so i am now sitting on my bed without leaning my head on the back of my bed. it felt better! and i will have to do my assignment for bahasa indonesia. i must redo it because i forgot to type it on the computer. it was hand-written, but i got perfect for the content of my work. YIPEE! okay. i should have done the assignment during the holiday, but of course i would not ruin my holiday by doing some paper work for school!!

next week will be the best week ever. my school will organize our first cup. it isn't like i was glad because the event will be huge or what, no, it is not even close to COOL. honestly, it will be the most boring event ever! but the cool thing is that we will be studying until eleven only for the whole damn week, YIPEE for the second time!

and not to make it more terrible, note it down that the school must call some kind of a bug exterminator (which is to repel annoying girls from outside who loves to spread their CHARM by raising her leg and showing her pink polkadot undies), but hey they will surely do.

and by the way. never wonder if you felt that my post at the first time i create this blog is different from the posts i had written recently. i SIMPLIFIED all of them because no one is interested to read my blog, they did not understand, they even have to open their oxford dictionary!

so i'm off, bye.

Happy New Year!

so, this is a new year. which means..


a resolution!
do you want to know what is my new year resolution? here it goes..

♥ i will be a better person for sure.
♥ protect the one i love.
♥ pass the state exam with satisfactory scores.
♥ lower my expectations, decreasing my dissapointment.
♥ be a true indie girl.
♥ make as much friends as possible.
♥ curving my abdominal and arms, with jessica alba as my role model.
♥ watch jakarta jam '11.
♥ buy thousands of sweaters and jackets.
♥ keep only that guy.

well that is it. i hope i will make it all.

so much things had happened in 2010. and all i could learn from it was heartbreak, anger and sorrow. LITERALLY! will this year be better than last year?

last but not least, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

p.s : the date today is so lovely, 1.1.11. but unfortunately, nothing special happened.