This Love Is Ours ♥: 2010

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

For the first time.

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
but we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
sit talking up all night
saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
we're smiling but we're close to tears
even after all these years
we just now got the feeling that we're meeting

for the first time

it's really quite near to new year, is it? although still, around 1 more weeks.
but god, really, a lot of things had happened through out 2010.
how i now knew some friendship doesn't really lasts.. even though i considered them as my bestfriends.
my family complications had decreased in time i became an outspoken woman to tell how i felt,
and also how i understood what true love means.
the 2010 love journey of me: quite long, people :)
january-march:
i'm in love with a guy named let's say, A, just to avoid some misunderstanding. 3 months that i'm in love with him, but he's actually just using me. he likes to ask a great amount of money from me almost every week. what a jerkkkkk
march-july:
I, he's really kind :) he understood me instinctively whenever i'm feeling sad or mad, he always know how to get my good mood back. we're having a relationship for more less a month, and then we broke up because actually he has a girlfriend already. so sad, thought he was the best guy i ever had. well, 2 months later i succeed forgetting him :)
august-november:
my god, kalo inget2 skrg tuh berasanya sedih banget deh. i'm hooked up that time, we could not go to a relationship because of certain things, so sad i have no interest in him anymore right nowww, he's actually a good guy you know? he could get himself to apologize first eventhough it wasn't his fault, he also has a really really great voice ;D i often listened to him singing my favourite songs while playing his guitar, he's really good at it. god, really wished for his happiness.
november-till drop, eh till now hehe:
i'm gonna tell you the story before new year, okay? right before new year. promise, but remind me in case i forgot kan super sibuk hehe.

The Fablous

I have two person that gives me a lot, huge, gazillion of inspirations.

first :

-Terry Richardson : he is an american fashion photographer, his photographs are noted for their controversial, sexual subject matter. i had always loved his artworks, they are edgy and wild.
as you can see his photographs on his website : http://www.terryrichardson.com/
-Lady Gaga : will always, always be my icon. she is a women with a really great installation. i'm sure she is not mistaken to choose Luc Carl as her soulmate. i can't wait for her new album next february which surely will be incredible :D more : http://www.ladygaga.com/

MYSELF

▲ i am a very suicidal person.
▲ i really hate sarcastic people. well, for me they are noone.
▲ receiving a hug from the back, the greatest moment i will remember.

▲ whenever i decided loving someone, i will try not to dissapoint him even if he did.

▲ i hate my home. i started to feel uncomfort because there are "them" inside.

▲ i dont belong in this world. i mean, i was being rejected wherever i go.
▲ i dont really like kids who likes screaming aloud and acting crazzeeehh
▲ redbull is the best. i like alcohols too, but i still preferred rebull :)
▲ i miss you, *A* . you are the best i ever had.
▲ sometimes being mistaken as a "cheap" girl, but i'm just actually being understanding.
▲ noone knows my true feeling, i tried my best to look straight so that they wont worry :)
▲ i do believe in God. but sometimes i felt that there isn any presence of Him.
▲ good music can boost my mood up.
▲ i am an indie girl, i dont really like being in a groupy with the same style, the same accent.. blah.
▲ i hate staying back when someone underestimate me. you dont know me.
▲ i reallt understood how jerk boys are.
▲ a night out.
▲ i dont like being the center of attention.
▲ i love hardcores.
▲ i dont really care with smoking guys. but i hate boys who cimeng. kaya orang kampung, you know.
▲ text better than speak.
▲ i adore someone from their manner, second the style.
▲ everytime i tried making my own d.i.y stuff, i dont know why it always fails.
▲ dont try to snap me when i dont notice the camera. it will be super shit.
▲ i like the feeling when someone i love wants my attention. that's really cute.
▲ i always wanted to cry each time i listen to a music that has a deep meaning. i want to create the same one, even better.
▲ honestly, i dont like backstreet relationships. it always ended up bad.
▲ i hope someday i will play russian roulette with you.
▲ i dont care with lesbians, gays bisexual whatsoever as long as they are well mannered.
▲ bibimbab is the worst food i had ever eaten. never remind me how it tastes, i will definitely vomit.
▲ had ever tried suicide once.
▲ now is 22.0 and i haven't taken a bath or having my dinner. thanks to you, blogger.
▲ bye, see you later.

Its You.

God , thankyou so much for him.

i love you because there is none like you.
i love you because you always tries to understand me.
i love you because i enjoy every second with you.
i love you because you always knew how to make me forgive you.
i love you because your hug is the best. the warmest.
i love you because i'm created to.
i love you because you know what to do to make me smile.
i love you because you are the best i ever had.
i love you because i don't have anyone else.
i love you because you love me.
i love you, dear.

P.S : i love you because you are YOU.

Attach Here .

An attachment to something or someone is holding on to the belief that a certain thing or person will fulfill you. attachments keep us alive. they make us strive either to keep what we have or to pursue what we want. but sometimes they can also stick us in neutral, running in circles and getting nowhere. i was stuck, that much was sure.

Live Our Life

Thanks to Good Charlotte.

i just wanna live. the song has a really great meaning for each of us, i'm sure.
no matter what kind of life you're living,
just live.

first of all, do you know why are we given lives?
to make ourselves happy, isn't it?

remember, this is our life.
having your parents divorced,
having your grandpa passed away,
having your report card marked down Fs,

so what?

a divorced parents doesn't mean that we don't have parents anymore.
well, that's their own problem.
so why bother?
a red marks written on the holy report crap doesn't mean that we are dumb.
it's just our talents are hidden somewhere else instead on the report card.
so why bother?

"my life"
MY life.
this is our lives, so we are the first priority.
because it isn't our parent's life.
because it isn't our teacher's life.

we are not selfish by saying all of this.
we do everything that we want as long as it doesn't bother any lives.

even if you go to the clubs and get tipsy,
even if the jack D's making you drunk,
slapped on the cheek but why must we care?
we just wanna live.
just..
be happy.

Sweet, as gone

We like to think there are some things we would never do. standards that we set to guide us through even the most difficult circumstances. depending on what's at stake, however, we may find ourselves thinking and acting in ways we could never have imagined. it's easy to draw a line in the sand, but sometimes it's hard to find that line when the wind begins to blow.

Hummingbird Heartbeat

you make me feel like i'm losing my virginity
the first time and the time when you touchin' me,
i make you bloom like the flower that you never seen.
under the sun we are one buzzin energy.

let's party to create affinity
this evolution with you comes naturally.
some call it signs
signs
we call it chemistry
this is the story of the birds and the bees.

even the seasons change
i want it to stay the same.

you give me that...
hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

flown a million miles just to find the magic seed
oh Iiwould flower with the power that bring light to me.
your so exotic, my whole body fluttering
constantly craving for a taste of your sticky sweet

always on the brink of a heart attack
you can be alive and keep me coming back
i see the sun rise in your eyes
your eyes
you gotta future full of blue skies
blue skies

even the seasons change
i want it to stay the same.

you give me that...
hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

you love me, you love me never love me not
not
oh no
when we are in perfect harmony
you make me so right toward your (sip of me).

oh your wings could make me fly.
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hey yeah
hummingbird heartbeat
hey yeah
hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

Hummingbird Heartbeat

Inspired by you

I'm freeeeeeeeee akhirnya uas selsai! hehe trims God for Your guidance through this week, i have done all of my tests well :D so this is the review :

first day :
- Science : mati gw, susah banget. kalo biology sih gw masih bisa karena afalan, tapi physics nya yauda lah pasra aja =_=
second day :
- English : upil, gampang. reading nya tinggal cari di text/ picture, tp grammar nya ada 1 bagian dari 7 yang gw kurang bisa sih.
- Social Studies : the essay part was not so hard, but the multiple choice. bbhuuuhhhhhhhh
third day :
- Religion : uber-ridiculous, really. kyknya emg sir filip ga niat bikin soall =___=" PG nya aja jawabannya A semua, and when i questioned him oh are you sure, sir he said that it was to make it easier for him to check yaelaaah. terus essay nya ada 2 nomer yang mirip2, 1 nomer pake logika, sisanya liat di alkitabbb. ahahah!
- Indonesian : not as hard as i thought, biasanya susah banget sih soalnya. heheheehehehehe
fourth day :
- PKN : no comment
- Maths : lumayan hehehe :D gw cuman gabisa aljabarnya doang, kalo yang laen sih bisalah hehe
today :
- Computer : i dont study at all for this lesson. really, soalnya catetan gw pada ilang semua
- Zhongwen : sorry sok-sokan banget zhongwen zhongwen, ahahah, mandarin maksudnya, inisih gampil hihihi yang bikin huang laoshi sih jadi jawaban part 1 ada di part 2, jawaban part 2 uda ada catetan kosakatanya. ahahah, i did it only for 30 minutes but after then i just dont know what to do -__- yaudah deh gambar-gambar terus ngobrol ama baby franky & stephanie :)

so on monday, tuesday, and wednesday i will have the days off :D tp gw gatau sih mo kemana, jalan ama temen males anak2 kelas gw pada ga seru semua. you know, they seems to have their own groupies and when it comes to another topics they dont used to talk langsung mukanya ga enak gitu, aduh malesin bangett deh. angkatan gw yang gw ngobrol sehari2 ya paling cuma chelsea gaby gitu2, wah kalo ga ada mereka i'll be freezed to death. cowok2nya masih asik sih, yang tongkrongan gw dulu itu.

gw lagi berpikir buat seterusnya lebih banyak nulis pake indo aja, soalnya pada protes sih katanya mikir dulu kalo baca blog gw. yaudalah, as you wish guys. anyhow, i am really really in a good mood now. not only because the test is over, but because there will be so many activities ahead like class party, class meeting, christmas celebration etc where i can be free to talk to him :D

Saturday, 27 November 2010

Why guys love girl?

1.The way they always smell good even if it’s just shampoo
2.The way they always find the right spot on our shoulder
3.How cute they look when they sleep
4.The ease in which they fit into our arms
5.The way they kiss you and make everything alright in the world
6.How cute they are when they eat
7.The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end its all worth while
8.The way they are always warm even if its minus 30 degrees
9.The way they look good no matter what they wear
10.The way she fishes for compliments even though you both know shes the most beautiful thing on this earth
11.how cute they are when they argue
12.How their hand always seems to find ours
13.The way they smile
14.The way you feel when you see her name on the caller id after you’ve had a big fight
15.The way she says “lets not fight anymore” even though you know an hour later…
16.The way they kiss you when youve done something nice for her
17.The way they kiss you when you say”i love you”
18.Actually.. just the way they kiss you
19.The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20.Then apologizing for crying over something that silly
21.The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22.Then the way they apologize when it really does hurt (even though we dont admit it!)
23.The way they say “I miss you”
24.The way you miss them
25.The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesnt hurt her anymore…Yet regardless whether you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them… it matters not.Because once in your life whatever they were to the world they become the world to you.When you look them in the eyes traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without a trace of sound you know that your own life is inevitably consumed with the rhythmic beatings of her very own heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of a mind, but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.

Saturday, 23 October 2010

You're a hot mess, and i'm falling for you. and i'm like, hot damn, let me make you my boo.

fame means nothing unless you do something that's fulfilling you.
-taylor momsen.

Banana peel smoking.

1. Go to the grocery store and buy 10 pounds of bananas. (you used to need 200 pounds, but the potency has gone up 20x in the last 30 years.

2. Remove the skins from the fruit. save the fruit for later - if you mix it with orange juice and drink it while you're smoking, it'll make you trip real hard.

3. Dry the skins in the microwave. this won't affect the potency, as bannadine is not microwave soluble.

4. The next two steps are a simple nonpolar-polar extraction of the bannadine. this is necessary to get rid of the fungicide they put on the skins, which is a type of strychnine. grind up the dried peels really well, and soak them in methylene chloride (zippo lighter fluid makes a good substitute). let soak for 2 days, and then rinse well with ether. discard the liquid and save the mush.

5. Take the mush from step 4 and soak it in ethyl alcohol for another 2 days. filter, and put the mush aside - you won't be smoking it.

6. Evaporate the alcohol. the resultant crystals are 150% pure bannadine. put these in your pipe, light up and enjoy!

7. Bannadine is normally only active when smoked; that's why eating bananas won't do anything. however, that mush left over from step 5 is pretty tasty, bannadine is orally active if potentiated by dried peanut skins! yes, its true. bannadine is really closely related to DMT - it has carbon atoms and everything!

Found this really interesting.

Sweet the sting.

who's going to make me forget you
and get you off my mind?
i could be breaking other people's hearts
if you weren't still breaking mine

She sells sanctuary.

Sometimes i loved being someone random.
kayak blakangan ini, gw lagi seneng2 ngobrol sama someone terus tiba2 gw marah sendiri.. asik banget. it's like no one would ever read your mind, that's basically what i'm trying to do right then. cuma sugesti, tapi emang kadang pikiran kebaca itu yang bkin kita susah. being persuaded over someone's mind, being used for their own advantages. let me give you some tips to avoid your mind being read!
1. don't be too honest, don't lie either. say only what you need to talk.
2. in case you are in a private discussion and you are freezed to death, keep looking someone straight to their eyes even if you are in a state of anxiety. this will boost you up.
3. divert your conversation if you think someone is trying to reveal something. if he or she keeps on insisting you, tell them that you won't speak any further and pretend to be mad :p
4. don't you ever trust a person who says "trust me". they are totally lying.
well thats all i did and it works so far. don't blame me if it doesn't works on you hahaha.

Baru post ke brapa belas ya? sayang bgt deh mesti ngulang, abis yg lama udah jelek banget. i'm a perfectionist loh, liat blog lama gw yg post nya ada yg aneh dikit aja lgsg gw edit. trus skarang bikin yg baru deh, padahal yg lama udah 100an. pengen buru2 penuh blog nya. anyway a week to go and the school will return my blackberry :D was planning to sell it and buy the new one, since my gemini was being used by.. nevermind, pegel2 nih gara2 kemaren gw iseng2 celeb terus maen alat nya kebanyakan. besok gw ada janji lagi ama trainernya jem 3. tell me if any of you goes to the gym so gw ga sendirian disana kan bosen bgt.

I second that emulsion.

Karna gw males pake inggris jadi pake indo aja ya hahaha. Orang2 sekarang tuh aneh. semua dibilang antichrist, barcodes dibilang 666, simbol peace dibilang salib yang dipatahin, tanda sebelum & sesudah doa catholic dbilang salib kebalik. celebrities2 kyk gaga, beyonce, usher etc dituduh illuminati, lady gaga dibilang satanic gara2 di lagu nya dia yg bad romance pertama nya ada "ra ra rah ah ah ah, roma roma ma" katanya "ra" nya maksudnya sun god, terus gara2 dia, hayley williams, jay-z dll juga constantly hiding one of their eyes at their pictures. this is the so called all-seeing-eye.

so i will take a statement from the controversial article i googled. sorry if i was revolving around gaga only, soalnya dia punya yg paling heboh hahaha. and so so sorry for not putting the main picture, there was an error occured while uploading :(

"Gaga is standing between both pillars, wearing Hello Kitty shoes, occultly referring to mind control programming (innocence, childhood, re-education, etc). Her eyes are closed but she has wide-open eyes painted on her eyelids, which is very symbolic: her eyes seem open but they are still wide shut."

The article said gaga's picture refers to the two pillars of jachim and boaz, depicted in a great number of masonic works of arts. so what with the masonic symbology and so what with the god damn HELLO KITTY? does masonic symbol means something bad? what if they were religious symbols? i don't think all celebrities should be an open book. do you have a problem with her just because she has a different outlook from you? don't you think if the illuminati exists they will be aware of what people arguing about them, then come bashing down your doors and eat your brains? she is not stupid btw. it is fun playing with ancient symbology and i think she wouldn't even know where to start in becoming a satan-worshipper.. i doubt she has the time to execute a hidden agenda at the same time designing, write musics, becoming a creative director, nevermind all the interviews with her fans. lady gaga has recently met the queen of england and some people said she was using a red dress that refers to the red queen from alice in wonderland that is masonic so they spread the rumours that the queen is the mother of illuminati. so not ethical.

Nah, this is baphomet, it appears as a figure of satanism.

Lady gaga had once rolled her hair up and looked like a bull's head, then some sheeple questioned it as "is it a baphomet's head on her head?" (as a lot of you may know she likes doing her hair like a ribbon etc), then the picture above itu katanya pose nya looks like baphomet. tp gw ga percaya lah. lady gaga enjoys any kind of fame so she puts any kind of symbols in her videos. she will get more attention no matter if she believes in the crap or not. more and more people became more obsessed with this devil or satanic idea, so you are the one who believed in satans kan? :p if you aren't suitable to the whole demonic things then why do you care? it's like you're being brainwashed to have you thinking about it constantly and it gives her more attention. if you like the dance/electropop thing so just listen to her songs and you will be fascinated no matter how bad the rumour sticks to her, what matters is how you could say she is talented after seeing her playing all the melody on her piano at the stages. she is not a male by the way. she have two genitals, just a little bit penis but she considers herself as a female because it doesn't affect anything to her. and if she does believe in all the demonic minds does it affect her performances, her attitudes? no it doesn't, she even bought her fans pizza while they were lining up to buy her CDs, so i'm so sure you don't need any enlightenment haha, i want a slice of pizza from gaga too :)
eh sori jadi campur2 pake english keterusan hahaha.

Alone again or ...

If you think you know what's going on inside someone else's head, think again. we imagine that love gives us power to read one another's mind, when all we are really doing is reading our own. it's a great self-defense mechanism but no substitute for actual communication. when we enter into a relationship, we want to know that person, every single detail. the best way to know what's really going on someone's mind is also the riskiest : you have to ask them.

Haven't met you for quite a long time. i know you are having a great time with your companion, so i won't disturb you. sometimes i was scared that someday you'll left but i knew maybe it's got nothing to do with me. you always find out how to makes me paranoid. trapped in my own head, without any exit strategy, conflicted by doubt about you and your girlfriend and with only my obsessions, reality takes a backseat to anxiety, changing shape faster than a coney island contortionist. i was realizing that the worst place to be lost was in my own head. i am scared, yet fear is what makes me feel most alive. will i ever feel again the way you makes me feel right now? will i ever kiss your lips again? will this be our last day to say things to each other? the uncertainty keeps me on the rim, sharp, living in suspense, at the edge of possibility. i knew that i had something inside of me that i wanted back, what exactly that was, is you. it's like once i have been loved, my soul will never forget you, even if my mind does. love always becomes the part of my DNA, my essence, my needs. it is as much as knowledge as feeling, possessed by the deepest part of my heart and soul. this can be a blessing and a curse. there is no way to fill the emptiness, no treatment for the persistent pain of love thats gone and missing, except its return.

Sometimes you have to go it alone.

No guts, no glory. like a kamikaze, there are times when you may be required to leave the life you knew behind and give it over a greater purpose. the costs can be high, to your heart, soul, and reputation. whether or nor what you gain will ultimately outweigh what you gave is impossible to know, and really irrelevant. your comfort comes in the knowledge that some things are worth sacrificing for.

Oh, mama!

Being someone who you're not is exhausting. but better to be phony than lonely. that was the way i saw it. in my experience, sitting ducks were dead ducks. but with my whole duck scenario, the question was: was it better to waddle alone in agonizing fear that i would be caught and dragged away at any given moment or was it better to know what i was surrounded by other "ducks" that looked and acted exactly like me, possibly sparing my life by sacrificing theirs? our will to survuve is inherent, i thought, and our will to be popular is survival.

Sorry for putting johnny bravo here. just realized how i used to love watching the series at cartoon network past years ago. his catchphrases "oh, mama!" became popular, fall in love with him. but it doesn't mean that i like big guys. give me a muscular beefcakes and i will turn my head to a dork who loves reading comic books. they are just cute.

Anyway, missing someone who looks like a dork. when i thought it was the time to let go, it it just depressing. letting go, for anyone at any time, can be the hardest thing to do. it is an admission of defeat, of failure. i was one of those people. letting go meant that it was time to give up on everything i had hoped for and dreamed about. that everything i had wanted for was all for nothing. that life was more or less a crapshoot and i had rolled a seven.

School is random, love can also be random.

some kids in my school are riot, they seemed to be brainwashed and obsessed becoming one of the boho popular team. we have the whole concept of popularity backward. we imagine it as a small and exclusive club of people we idolize or envy. but most of popular people are hated by the majority. they tend to be a little too outspoken and selfish, egocentric and had a tons of henchman or followers. so, if you are despised by everyone outside your little clique, and liked only by those inside it, you are vastly unpopular by any objective measure. aneh, malah jadi norak. the key to ultimate popularity isn't to be loved or envied by as many as people as possible but to be loved or envied by the right people, i understood this instinctively. whatsoever about the kids inside my school, they sucks. a few months more and i'll leave :D i don't really have a bestfriend, but i do have an enemy. the great thing about having an enemy is that you know exactly where that person stands. you can't be surprised by a backstab because you know always to be on your guard. in fact, their opposition to you actually helps to make you sharper, by forcing you to justify your own actions and opinions, sometimes even to yourself. if you want sympathy, look for a friend, but if you want honesty, an enemy might be the best friend you ever had :p

now listening to david choi's by my side, kept on playing it thousand times.

so, do you have one of your most favourite love song? like a tune you can't get out of your head no matter how hard you try, love is something you can't get out of your heart. you become trapped in an emotional cul de sac hahaha i mean dead end, going round and round and ending up exactly where you started. breaking free, or not, is usually determined by whether you want to get somewhere slowly or nowhere fast. kudo for kesha, love is really a drug. falling in love is a transformational but not always in the ways that we hope. you go from being a whole person to being a half a relationship, sometimes losing a large part of yourself in the process. unfortunately, it is almost always the secure, self-assured part that turns up missing. but the real trouble begins when you need another person to help you find it. love is never quite what you expected.

that's it, had written a lot, and so sorry for all of you who couldn't enter my previous blog, again, sorry.

Sunday, 10 October 2010

i went to puri yesterday with my friends and it was breathtaking. a week ago me and him were planning to go and watch a movie but bcos we've been quarelling a few days ago so we haven't had informed each other about our plan so i thought we wouldn't met. it was around three when we were at gramedia. and hey, i saw him.

i can now see everything

falling to pieces before my eyes

it was really great and gratifying to get him around yesterday. i know i was kinda creepy when i was passing him and i looked back a few times to look what was he doing there, so i decided to call or text him but i just noticed that i had left my phone back in the car.

so it was about seven when me and my friends went to starbucks to get something to drink. they asked me if i choosed sitting inside or outside the cafe, so i told them to take a seat outside because the wind is usually cold around seven or eight. after a while, if i wasn't mistaken, i noticed someone looking at me in the distance. him again.

if i, if i have been unkind,

i hope that you can just let it go by.

if i, if i have been untrue,

i hope you know it was never to you.

it's not you, it's me.

these are the most dreaded words spoken in any relationship. if you hear them, or if you find yourself wanting to say them, you can be pretty sure it's over. a soft landing is being prepared, but the end result is not in question. whoever offers this duplicitous explanation on the way out may not be sure of what they want exactly, but they are sure of what they don't want-you.

Hahaha

keep the change

holding on to someone you know you have to let go of isn't just a way to delay the inevitable for them, but for yourself as well. it protects you from having to make the transition you are about to impose until you are good and ready. like canceling on an out-of-town guest you've been longing to see, but never quite had the time to plan for, it is the convenient, easy way out-for you.

they call it falling for someone for a reason. like some silent movie banana peel, love can trip you up and bring you down flat on your back when you least expect it. either you will bounce right up, undaunted, or become paralyzed. either way, you will carry the reminder of it forever. whether it leaves a tiny scar or a permanent injury, only the future can tell.

i was feeling insecure you might not love me anymore.

we don't miss what we never had, but we miss terribly things we almost had. and we miss things we used to have most of all. though we hope and pray for our relationships, our looks, and our lives to improve, having more also means having more to lose.

Fyi .

you can only get outside by looking inside. some people are in constant fear that their heart might cease between beats, feeling each pulse as a countdown to the end and rather than a vital sign of life. others are barely aware that they even have a heart beating inside them, moving through the day unecumbered by the complexity of their inner workings. worry may not change the outcome, but it definitely affects your outlook. better to care too much than too little?

if you can't say something nice, lie. words not only help us express emotion, they distance us from it as well. they can be useful safety net, protecting your heart from overexposure, parceling out your true feelings in carefully crafted syllables rather than gushing sincerity. they can also be misinterpreted, doing damage by creating an impression in someone else's mind that wasn't intended. sometimes, things really are better left unsaid.

hope against hope.
most hope is false if you think about it. it's a belief that an outcome will be positive despite evidence to the contrary. but where would we be without it? it's the mind's compass and the heart's buoy, which we cling to as we wait for help to arrive. without hope, life is sink or swim.

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Rain is a good thing.

Introducing my new dog, here it goes.
so my beagle had been stolen by someone about a week ago, and i was so sad. so my mom and us decided to buy a new dog, her name is pocky. she is 7 months old and she has brown thick fur. she oftens bark upon something that human can't see, well. dogs and babies can see ghosts, that's what i envy from them. speaking about ghosts, last week i went to sency and bought Tonya Hurley's ghostgirl, and i'm really in love to this book. it tells about a girl named charlotte who died because of a guy and a gummybear. pretty ironic, but then she discovers that she had turned into ghost and had to stay in Hawthorne Manors for some reasons, and her days felt the same as before she died. she did not have friends. so yeah, not gonna tell you the whole story because me myself haven't done reading it yet. i want to buy the rest of the series, but i will just finish the Rest In Popularity and then buy the Lovesick one. bye.

Raise glass to mend.

oh, i cant find the official video for this song. its a nice song anyway :)

so i've left my blog for quite a long time, sorry. i've nothing important to tell and, i'm not gonna write much now. but well, last week was horrible. me and my friends were caught drinking mixmax outside the school but, actually if they expell me from the school i would be the happiest person on earth, deal with it. you are being a hypocrite by arguing against alcohol use and on pro for the law of not taking illegal drugs. i don't think it needs social interference. all drugs should be legalized. punish people who break real laws like rape, molestation, theft, murder, and things like that. if sometimes drugs lead to these things, punish the people doing them. and oh, about the rules for wearing some certain clothes. in most other countries, even topless women aren't considered nude. its not like you're gonna have a heart attack when you see a goddamn breasts, thighs. because thats not your body, the only thing you think the world should revolve around. thats like disliking someone for the shoes they wear, totally grade 2. open your legs butter legs easy to spread for the school rules and play ping pong. i hate my school, and i hate my home. this is my life so lets just do our own, you go your way and i'll go mine. never tell me to do dis and dat cause i just found out that you are a smelly turd and don't expect me obeying your nonsense rules, its YOURS. just do your own rules on your life cause you aren't even a bitsy cheese of my life. and i dont consider it. i wish you treat me with basic respect instead of attacking me because i dont agree with your worldview. i never slandered you, not once. you called me bitchy and immoral. sorry, i'm not here to make you satisfied. its wrong because i don't want to change the very way i live my life to benefit everyone else. i'm not a socialist. i dont have to live as a role model, thats not my job. see? i end up writing this much.

Can't spell L.O.V.E

Yeah so, i'm inside my car now. just on my way back from ex andplaza indonesia, it was not a really good time i'm having. the reason is that my dad has been calling me for 9 times since last 15 minutes and i haven't answered any of them. it sucks. i hate being called frequently because it's just makes me felt uncomfortable, extremely bugging. so actually i wasn't allowed to go out more than 10 pm but because it's weekend, i'm breaking a little bit of house's rules. anyway there were music performances at hardrock which i thought was quite good, and most of the bands' vocalists aren't too trashy. there's a midsale in zara which some of the clothes costs only $20. so bad i didn't buy any because yesterday i bought a heels and lots of bangles and left nothing inside my pocket, geez. i hope the sale's still available for next week, but i don't think so because its already the last week of july, damn. so guys, gotta go to sleep right now, so tired not because of hanging out until midnight but because of that damn 9 misscalls. Bye ~

It's Wonderland.

hello folks, it's only a few weeks after the new academic year began, and we already have tons of homeworks and quizzes to do. yeah, we used to have only 3 assignments the most, but now the school are making a new standard for all classes : 5 assignments per day. it's torturing, and we still don't know what are they expecting from giving so lots of works. anyway, i had a story to tell. so yesterday while we were having the maths class, my teacher notices that i'm wearing a piercing. then she told me that she's gonna tell to my mom and ask me to put off my earrings because it's against school's rules. okay, you're gonne hell tell my mom and bring me to the store to take off my earring. however after the sports session ends, the coach calls me.
coach : hey, you're wearing an earring? where is it?
me : yeah.
coach : why don't you wear it like most of girls usualy did? i mean, in the right place.. (it's because my earring is located on the upper of me ear, so)
me : i'm alergic. and by the way, i never remembered having a rule written in the "rulebook" that the student's aren't allowed to wear earrings in some certain places. it's earring.
coach : .........
we really don't have any rules about wearing piercingsand once, my english teacher said that before he enters bs he's used to wear bracelets and necklaces because somehow, it did comforts him and makes him feels confident. so do i. i don't think one or two accessories would make a school's name or prestation be dropped. a good school is a good school. a weird school is a weird school. bs is one great example of super-extraordinary-retarded school. students aren't allowed to do bad things and screwing things in the school location, i knew. but wearing accessories is not disturbing. the students pay, the students do whatever they want as long as it doesn't drop the school's title. i really hope the school principal, the student head would read my beautiful and meaningful blog. it's better than reading the school rules. well, anyhow. i like someone. not his girlfriend and he doesn't even now i liked him actually, but we are pretty close. sometimes he calls me and we talk about many interesting things to share, and he's totally cool. nope, he's not too handsome, not too smart and not too popular.. but i think he's attractive, he's kind to all people and i know he's a good person. oh well, let's see how it works but so far, i don't see any sense of love in him, or i'm just too careless? in many ways, actually :)

No more dreaming about tomorrow.

Okay guys, i haven't tell you that about one week ago i'm using a blackberry again. no, my school haven't return my phone until october, but my mom has a new bb which she aren't using so she gave it to me. it's gemini, the old one was 8310. my brother wants to use the bb i'm using right now as soon as my old bb is returned, so what do you think? should i sell the old one together with the other phone i'm using for the 3 simcard to buy a new phone, or i will just use the gemini and my brother buy the new one? because this phone is still completely new and gemini is better than 8310. well, drop your comments. tomorrow is monday and i always hate monday. we had lots of hws and i haven't done any of them because i hate hws, geez. the only thing that makes me wanna go to school is sports like physical educations or ecas. i like basketball, marathons and gymnastics. tapi kalo udah badminton volley lah, i suck bad. the pe teacher was replaced by my religion teacher, does it sounds a bit weird? yea but my religion teacher was fun, i think the pe time will be more exciting than the last academic year's teacher. he's such a boring-unskilled labour and now he's teaching grade 9's social studies! oh i think you should learn how to differentiate heaven and hell, skankerzilla. it's like there will be no peace and normal teachers in bs. all the teachers and principals are dictators, they treat students like ass and brainwashing all of us like robots. but i wouldn't be one of those bastards and sluts, i'm a rebel of that school, that jail. bs is stupid. rules are made to be obeyed, but we aren't supposed to obey that kind of rules because that's just not normal. what kind of school would give their students a warning letters or drop-outs just because they are having a relationship or they are going to nightclubs, oh men. it's 2010 dorks, what kind of minds you have inside your forehead? how ancient.

Criminals.

I wonder how some people prefers Miley Cyrus than Lady Gaga. Miley is disgusting. look at her latest music video can't be tamed, she's trying to catch people's attention and how could anyone watch her video without cringing? a-no-talent, incurably Gaga-copycat disney graduate doing one tasteless ass after herself.. she sing while she was sucking her so called mileyfans, ugh. a few minutes ago i was watching Gaga's telephone video and some users are debating whose better, Gaga or Cyrus then someone drop a comment that we shouldn't admire "a hermaphrodite retarded imitator" and i think that was just not ethical. Gaga isn't a hermaphrodite, she was born female completely a female. and by the way if someone don't like Gaga, why are they on her videos? just to be mean to her? what do you expect, you shaggy pathetic hobgoblin bastard. Gaga is talented, she almost create her original songs everyday and you should know that the only talent Miley have is to leave her crotch wide open, she let Disney do all her work and she just sat back on the stage with her fat body. she took over her dad's name, you easy accessed hoe! at least gaga was the queen of pop a titled that Miley doesn't have and she was way better than that queen gaga copycat who tries to be like her or Britney. miley is exactly copying gaga, you should have seen all the dancing guys besides her and her outfits, it was Gaga's idea. you speak shit about gaga, i speak shit about that skank slut Cyrus. go hump your dog and stop singing like a baboon. gaga has self respect unlike Miley so yeah goodluck Miley to be the queen of pop, oh no you can't Gaga is the queen.

It's 'bout dogs and ninth grade.

Let me tell ya about chewy. chewy is my neighbor's chihuahua, he often came to our house to play with my dog. he's, oh adorable. although my neighbor's house are far enough from mine, he knows when to come and when he must go back to eat. he's a smart dog particularly compared to my dog, my dog is mischievous, he's a trouble-maker and perhaps he won't come back if we set him free. by the way, today after i visited my friend's house, i went to my school to look at the class division and unluckily, i'm in 9.1. my new classmates are all suckers except some of my bestfriends, maybe. oh well. we have one autism boys who loved to pick his nose and also a girl whose face looks like the ghost dog in ghost school comic. and the worst is, the brat who claims my early classmate as her "boyfriend", thats dumb. i guess i would have to adapt the weird peoples and yeah, a year to go.

To hell with love.

Hello folks. maybe most of you think falling in love is a fairytale. well, it's a nightmare actually. love isn't something exciting which you can feel your heart beating. wake up, it's reality. i mean, you can see that some of teenagers around us had their relationship lasts less than 3 years the most. honestly, i've been dating four boys in my life. and three of them are totally a jerk. only one of them doesn't cheat on girls or leave me alone, well that lasts only about 3 months. so now, i loved someone. but he had a girlfriend whom i'd known well. nightmare. oh yes, never mind what i'm talking about. not gonna destroy your imagination. have you guys watch the doom generation? gave you the trailer in my last post. it was soo cool. rose mcgowan looks classy here, altough the movie was a little bit nude. yeah of couse, it's sex. violence. whatever.
Hello folks. maybe most of you think falling in love is a fairytale. well, it's a nightmare actually. love isn't something exciting which you can feel your heart beating. wake up, it's reality. i mean, you can see that some of teenagers around us had their relationship lasts less than 3 years the most. honestly, i've been dating four boys in my life. and three of them are totally a jerk. only one of them doesn't cheat on girls or leave me alone, well that lasts only about 3 months. so now, i loved someone. but he had a girlfriend whom i'd known well. nightmare. oh yes, never mind what i'm talking about. not gonna destroy your imagination. have you guys watch the doom generation? gave you the trailer in my last post. it was soo cool. rose mcgowan looks classy here, altough the movie was a little bit nude. yeah of couse, it's sex. violence. whatever.

You don't watch this film, you witness it.

Mistouch.

For my dearest as,
life is random and love can be just as random. if you sit back and really think about it, you will be left with one thought-a profound one-why bother? the only reason to live is to love and the only reason to love is to live. i had neither.. at least i didn't yet. i still love you. i always would. you are my "why bother".

thanks to ghostgirl, really inspiring :)

Afterlife.

We all surely want to know what happens right after we died--afterlife, not really the "afterlife", but i was just hoping whether we could possesed someone else and lived as them, well, i mean it would be great for me if i could see the world through her eyes and having things i admired her for. you've heard it, i admired someone. living a perfect life with perfect face-perfect body-perfect guy-perfect wealth, why would there be no girls cringing after they saw her? this is world to the one, absolutely not one of the world, because great people rules. the poors must have been neglected. elders did had time to correct their mistakes before they died, while youths doesn't. its because their time were being extended-while shortlived youths still stucked in an unhandled self-control moment. thats why afterlife are needed, so that there will be no hell and heaven, right and wrong person, bad and good groupies, because it was compulsory that Jesus have some sense of joke sending people to hell when actually He had paid all of their life. the only main thing is to know how we ended up dead-or what is really our regret.

WOW !

Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart, totally amazing. looked young and fresh in the picture above ;)

D A M N.

don't blame me, it was really, totally, certainly irrelevant. you're just too busy putting make-ups, buying speedcars, making nosejobs boobjobs legjobs whatsoever. so if he once or ever blink some flirty eyes behind you straight up pathetic you dumb nazi. just give your fully effort on attracting him and waste the whole of your life making some nonsense which most of people doesn't even care. love. it came if we were meant and tied to each other, not something you try hard on so that you end up pathetically. yes, you are completely pathetic. PATHETIC. i'm not his girlfriend, not even a special friend. eat shit you fucking toad licking numbnuts. nada, zero, zip, nothing. i stands out, you doesn't.
i love him, but i'm not in love with him. this is a false distinction. completely backwards if you think about it. love is love. what's really meant by being in love is obsession, addiction, infatuation, but not actual love. being in love is a statement of your own needs and desires rather than an attempt to fulfill another's. true love, on the other hand, is a bridge between to people. it had taken me most of my life, and all of my afterlife, to come to this realization.
so yes, me and charlotte usher is completely similar. we just had one difference, she's dead and i'm alive. but i'm gonna die, soon

He doesn't even know i'm alive.

being in love with someone who doesn't even know you exist isn't the worst thing in the world. in fact, it's quite the opposite. almost like passing in a term paper that you know sucked, but having that period of time where you haven't gotten your grade back yet, that kind of exhale whre you haven't been rejected, although you pretty much know how it's going to turn out. when it came to you, i wanted to wait as long as possible for that paper to come back. but waiting until you've just died is, well, maybe waiting a little too long.. or maybe not.

Grown ups.

Grown-ups, it was exciting. so today me and my friends went to puri to watch it, kocak parah. filmya bagus, it was nostalgic because it tells about the old friends meeting again in a funeral and end up staying together in an island. i like jasmine.

Friday, 2 July 2010

All About Me

Nick name : Natalia.

Born : Jakarta, 16^th December 1995.

Age : 14^th.

Live : - Jakarta - Indonesia .

Height : 158cm.

Weight : 42kg.

Religion : Christian-Protestant.

Zodiac Sign : Sagitarius.

Chinese Zodiac Sign : Golden Pig.

Blood Type : B.

Relationship Status : Single but NOT AVAILABLE.

Life Destination : A successful surgeon and make my parents happy.

Grade : IX (9)

Current school : Karunia Junior High School.

I am a/an :Geeky, Simple, Emo but FASHIONABLE of course !

I'm : Lazy, Eater, Independent, Talkative, Creative, Hillarious And Funny (I Guess).

Hobby : Eating, Swimming, Singing, Blogging, Chatting, Texting, Reading, Editing Photos, Listening to the musics, Watching cinema/dvds, Chilling, Writting.

Status : Moviefreak, Gleek and Lermaniac.

Fan Sign : Gleek (GLEE), Lermaniac (LOGAN LERMAN), Shawol (SHINee), Cassiopeia (TVXQ), and V.I.P (BIG BANG).

Biggest Inspiration : My Parents ,My Friends.

Quote : "To succeed, we must first believe that we can."

❤ : LOGAN LERMAN, Photography, Eating, Singing, Editing and Blogging, Dancing, listening musics, WATCHING CINEMA/DVDS of course !

Adore : LOGAN LERMAN, Cory Monteith, Chace Crawford, Kim Jong Hyun, Blake Lively, Taylor Momsen, Selena Gomez, etc !

People say you're : Smart, Cool, Gorgeous, Handsome, Hillarious, Funny, Talkative, Creative, Bla bla bla =p

Favorite type of guy : Taller than me, white, chinese/western/korean, older at least 2 years than me, smart, good looking, fashionable, multitalented, nice attitude, daring, smart and if I'm lucky, rich ROFLMAO.

Hate : PINK !, insect, alay, liar, noise, waiting, lonely.

Part of your body that you like : My long fooot, my face, my cuteness*halah =p*, i can be both handsome and pretty, I'm quite white, my hair *a lot of people envy my hair! ;p*

Part of your body that you HATE : MY FATTY BELLY!, MY BIG SIZE FEET *panjang doang, ga gede -.-*

Favorite Color : Black , White ,Yellow ,Red ,Blue ,Gold ,Silver.

Favorite drink : Mineral water, Juice, Soft Drinks, Cofee.

Favorite Kind Of Music : Hip Hop, Rap, R&B, Jazz, Blues, Soul and Pop, and KPOP ofc !

Favorite Kind Of Movie : Thriller, Action, musical, comedy, and drama

Favorite Tv Series : GLEE!, Gossip Girl, Vampire Diaries, Wizard of Waverly Place, etc !

Favorite Actor : Johny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio,

Favorite Actress : Kate Winslet, Scarlett Johansson, etc !

Favorite Movie : Avatar, Harry Potter Series, The Twilight Saga,and many more !

Favorite Korean Movie / Tv Series : Boys Before Flowers, You're Beautiful, My Fairlady, Deathbell, etc.

Favorite Other Movie / Tv Series : 3 Idiots and My Name Is Khan

Favorite Director : Steven Spielberg, James Cameron, Quentin Tarantino, etc

Favorite Tv Actress : Miley Cyruz.

Favorite Singer : Lady GaGa, Rihanna, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, etc !

Favorite Western Group / Band : Boys Like Girls, Paramore, Tokio Hotel, etc !

Favorite Korean Group / Band : SHINee, TVXQ, Big Bang, 2NE1, FT Island, etc !

Favorite Korean Actor : Jang Geun Seuk, Kim Bum, Lee Min Ho, etc !

Favorite Korean Actress : Kim Beol, Park Shin Hye, etc !

Favorite Rap Singer : Ludacris, Pitbull, Flo Rida, and many more !

Favorite Kind Of Dance : BREAK DANCE!, Hip Hop, Lockin, Poppin, Krumping, and Salsa.

Favorite Photographer : idk, i just know ARSETO ADIPUTRA

Favorite Country / City : Korea, Japan, Shanghai, Taiwan, Aussie, Singapore, Malaysia, Bangkok, Paris, etc!

Favorite Language : English, Korean, Japanese, French, Spain.

Favorite Gadget (not your own) : macbook, iPod, iPhone, etc.

Your Style : all Black&White, like sleeves+legging+necklace, bangles and ear rings+gladiator, DONE!

Fashion Inspiration : Taylor Momsen, model off duty style, ulzzang.

Favorite Clothes' Store : Zara, Topshop, Forever 21, GAP, many more !

You Won't Wear's : midis, skirt, something 'too open' and too girly, and of course PINK!

Favorite Fashion Blogger : lulu and your mom, miss chelle, some styles fromlookbook, etc.

Favorite Magazine : Gogirl!, LOOKS, Cinemags and Animonster.

Favorite Comics : Miiko!, Shugo Chara, Otomen, many more !

Favorite Novels : Twillight Series , Summer In Seoul ,Autumn In Paris, Winter In Tokyo ,Spring In London.

Favorite Brand : Nike, Reebok, Billabong, etc.

Favorite Junkfood : McD, Burger King, Pizza Hut, many more !

Favorite Fro-yo : JCool, Red Mango and Sour Sally.

Favorite Mall : Gading , Moi ,PP ,TA ,Grand Indonesia.

Favorite Shopping Place : Orchard Road, some boutique, bla bla bla.

Favorite Social Network :Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Formspring, Plurk and of course BLOGGER !

Favorite Boys' Things : accecories, clothes, simpleness, car, girls !

Favorite Type Of Car : ferrari, lamborghini, maserati, porsche, aston martin, bugati veyron, mercedes, BMW, Audi and fairlady.

Favorite Sports : basketball, soccer, RACING!

Which Movie Do You Want To Be The Role Actress ? BOYS BEFORE FLOWERS, Harry Potter, Twilight Saga.

Obsessed With : boys and their things and of course LOGAN LERMAN !

If You Have A Crib, How Will It Look ? MINIMALIST ! All black, white and red !

My Favorite Job : a writter, a graphic designer, an architect haha

Ok, that's all, i don't have any idea -.-

need more information, ask me anything at

http://www.formspring.me/SheIsNatalya