Crazzy. Little. Thing. Called. Love

The Power of Nam .

Random movie time, I chose this popular Thailand movie that is very interesting. Not only for the players' talent and looks but also for the story and the moral behind it.

The heroine's name is , Nam . She admires and loves her senior,Shone so much. She was very ugly , dumb and has a very low self-esteem .

Shone , in the other hand , is the most handsome and popular boy in the school who is very good in sports and photographyy .

To be recognized by Shone, she changed herself from ugly duckling into swan . She studied her ass off and was able to reached the top rank . From a nerd into a marching queen .

These changes weren't gained in a month or a year. It was gained in four years . And in the end , Shone rejected her ;'(



She felt depressed but the truth is Shone has already loved her since the first time she tried to impress him. Shone even made this scrap bookwith Nam's pictures and his feelings for her.


However , it was too late since Nam has to left Thailand to live with his father in USA because of his achievement in school and Shone has to live in Bangkok for soccer team training . .

They were able to meet again in a national television's talk show ten years since then . Both of them had succeed in their own dreams and Shone proposed marriage to her :')

Her struggle is very inspiring and motivating. It is impressive how love can make a girl do so much and was able to change a lot .

This movie teaches me a lot about friendship and love .

The morals I get are :

The best needs struggle.

Love can always be the biggest motivation.

Love maybe painful , wicked & destructive but when it comes to the right person , the world seems so beautiful and colorful .

No pain , no gain .

Keep trying and you'll see in the end .

True friends will always be there for you :)

Friends are those you must keep close .

I am using The Power of Nam right now .

Try it on and you'll see how it is affecting you .

Watch it on YouTube . Crazy Little Thing Called Love <3

Enjoy The Power of Nam! Cheers! Xoxo

For More Information .

1. some people are in constant fear that their heart might cease between beats, feeling each pulse as a countdown to the end and rather than a vital sign of life. others are barely aware that they even have a heart beating inside them, moving through the day unecumbered by the complexity of their inner workings. worry may not change the outcome, but it definitely affects your outlook. better to care too much than too little?

2. words not only help us express emotion, they distance us from it as well. they can be useful safety net, protecting your heart from overexposure, parceling out your true feelings in carefully crafted syllables rather than gushing sincerity. they can also be misinterpreted, doing damage by creating an impression in someone else's mind that wasn't intended. sometimes, things really are better left unsaid.

3. most hope is false if you think about it. it's a belief that an outcome will be positive despite evidence to the contrary. but where would we be without it? it's the mind's compass and the heart's buoy, which we cling to as we wait for help to arrive. without hope, life is sink or swim.

I fell in love with you

today is the first day of first step to shine, my school's very first cup. i came to school at 9 and went back home almost 5. it was pretty exhausting although i did not participate in any competition. but the good thing was that he came to my school, thanks god i was around today :)

i am craving for the best ice cream i ever tasted in my whole life, BEN JERRY'S CHERRY GARCIA.

ice cream is really addicting, so is love. and love is a master of altering my outlook on life. i mean, if someday you experienced your life turning asundered, a person whom you loved could make you say "life is good" evenless if you are loved back by that person.

but that does not mean i am being loved back by him. all of people think i am very stupid. i keep on maintaining someone who won't even stand staring at me for a minute, that much is sure.

yes, he is so ignorant.

i think i should learn more how to appreciate people around me who loves me. i really understood the fact that every people will feel loss if they are abandoned. i also want an attempt to put behind the person who can't appreciate my feeling and learn to love the person around me who cared a lot about me. anyhow, you can call woman a completely brainless creature. they always ignore the people who loved them very much, but give all their love for someone who does not even care for them.

Everybody says: "I Love You"

easy for you to say, talk is cheap. if it wasn't, people might not toss around "i love you" like a marked-down phrase in a sale bin. being stingy with your feelings, saving it up for a worth-while moment, should make it all the more meaningful to the person you eventually tell, no matter how long it takes. if you are with the right person, it is an investment worth making. the trouble is, sometimes you can wait so long to hear it but that you go broke inside.

life is not about how many breaths you take, but how many moments take your breath away.

You are shining in the starlight

i know it's a late post. i had seen the movie a month ago and i have just updated my comments right now. well does not matter, i'm pretty sure all of you like this movie.. a lot!

:)

Rapunzel is awarded the best animated movie this year.. by me! (i don't know if the movie awards had rated it to the first chart or not) it was a really great movie, and i think mandy moore sang really well for the original sound tracks, i love healing incantation the best :) but never mind if it does look great only after it was converted using certain instruments only.

it tells about a princess with magic hair named Rapunzel who was kidnapped by Gothel and isolated in a tall tower. every year on her birthday, the kingdom floats thousands of lanterns to the sky in longing for the lost princess. she met Flynn Rider, the thief who stole things in order to feed his family. they fell in love with each other but Rapuzel was hesitated because Gothel and the two former companions of Flynn make it appear like he was leaving her with the tiara he originally tried to steal which actually belongs to her. at last, Rapunzel realizes that she was the lost princess the king and queen were trying to find and eventually she came back to her parent's embrace.

and at last I see the light

and it's like the fog has lifted

and at last I see the light

and it's like the sky is new

and it's warm and real and bright

and the world has somehow shifted

all at once everything looks different

now that I see you

yes, it is a really nice song.

i keep on repeating the song thousands times. like i once said in my early post, i teared up each time i listened to a song which has a deep meaning to me. and this song is one of a song which almost bring my tears down..

i know it is annoying to keep on talking about love, but he has already been my essence, my priority, a part of my DNA. even though some of them told me to just let go, i won't give everything up that easy. i still need him. i still need his laugh to bring me up when i am devastated. i still need his smile each time i go to and fro and found no answers to my hope. i still need him to survive, and i'm sure i am now right where i meant to be.

19.12.10.

I LOVE YOU.

One Love .

i miss you..

they say that this feeling won't last long, as usual. how could they know? they did not even know these days have been pretty hard for me, and it was SEVERE. it hurts a lot to know that we have no mutual contact for such a long period. and it makes me sad, really.

i still have not figure any reason out for you to keep a distance from me, not a single one. and i do not remember making any enough fatal mistake to cause problems or hard feelings on us. i guess.

all i did was making THE BEST to comfort you.

and i hope that i did comfort you.

but i guess i failed. we are no longer in touch even though sometimes i hardly tried to find you everywhere. i really wish that someday you will try to contact me even just for once. and well. it is not my wish anymore.

two weeks ahead will be my last day of being fourteen, and i hope someone will bring you on my birthday party for a present. and that would be my best birthday present EVER!

i admit that i was acting like a dumb. i do not want any camera or any iPhone. i just want to hear your laughter like i used to hear. your BLENDER laugh. oh yes, it does not blend only fruits or creams. it blends my feeling.

i want to turn back the time. when we are still as close as a couple, more than friends but not less than. the time when you gave your best and warmest hug i ever felt in my life.

once again..

i miss you.

and remember, i will watch over you. you will be save.

Life Is a Series Of Choice

Fun-house magicians and psychics ask us questions and offer us choices as a way to ascertain the things we most want to hear. in other words, they manipulate us. me and her wanted him to make his choice on his own. but he had no idea there was even a choice to be made.

I Miss You

today i saw a bisexual that looked really similar to MICK JAGGER. of course, mick jagger does not wear any pink tank top with mini skirt and net stockings. do you know mick jagger? of course you should know, he was one of the best rock musician!

and you are very stupid if you know mick jagger from ke$ha's song. hahaha.

ROLLING STONE ROCKS!

Velvet Sky .

so sorry for leaving the blog for quite a long time. i got some technical problem with my laptop charger.

okay guys. i know i shouldn't be here, writing on my blog. i should be at SCHOOL. but it doesn't matter, i did not come to school today. the reason was because i am a JACK SPARROW right now. well i won't tell you what do i meant by saying JACK SPARROW (with caps lock), snicker.

anyhow, i got a brainstorm when yesterday my friend told me that he was going to take a side job. i was thinking the same too, it will be great if i surpassed my friends with my own income. i mean, what a stupid thing if i tell my friends that i bought my clothes or my books with my own money. it was given by my parents after all.

my parents had never been EXTREMELY rich. yes, perhaps my dad have a loads of money because i noticed him exchanging his mobile phone almost every, well let's make it too much, every month. and i also wanted to surpass my parents when i grow up. it will be great to be rich. then i can pay everything to make my life easier. a private home at an exclusive site with ten large rooms, a personal chauffeur to drive me everywhere. i hate that.

i know i am a girl with lots of talents. i have the ability of eating two whole durians in 10 minutes. i could bend my finger until it almost reached my dorsal hand. ALMOST. whoops, i am not making fun of myself. i'm serious!! i was planning of taking a side job at Starbucks or McDonald's next year, it would be great. at least i won't have to ask money from my parents to buy me clothes every month. period.

okay enough, my head's asleep. it's like my head is leaning on a toilet lid. funny.



 i know it's really cute. my sister got this chibi maruko-chan from a saloon she went recently.

so i am now sitting on my bed without leaning my head on the back of my bed. it felt better! and i will have to do my assignment for bahasa indonesia. i must redo it because i forgot to type it on the computer. it was hand-written, but i got perfect for the content of my work. YIPEE! okay. i should have done the assignment during the holiday, but of course i would not ruin my holiday by doing some paper work for school!!

next week will be the best week ever. my school will organize our first cup. it isn't like i was glad because the event will be huge or what, no, it is not even close to COOL. honestly, it will be the most boring event ever! but the cool thing is that we will be studying until eleven only for the whole damn week, YIPEE for the second time!

and not to make it more terrible, note it down that the school must call some kind of a bug exterminator (which is to repel annoying girls from outside who loves to spread their CHARM by raising her leg and showing her pink polkadot undies), but hey they will surely do.

and by the way. never wonder if you felt that my post at the first time i create this blog is different from the posts i had written recently. i SIMPLIFIED all of them because no one is interested to read my blog, they did not understand, they even have to open their oxford dictionary!

so i'm off, bye.

Happy New Year!

so, this is a new year. which means..


a resolution!
do you want to know what is my new year resolution? here it goes..

♥ i will be a better person for sure.
♥ protect the one i love.
♥ pass the state exam with satisfactory scores.
♥ lower my expectations, decreasing my dissapointment.
♥ be a true indie girl.
♥ make as much friends as possible.
♥ curving my abdominal and arms, with jessica alba as my role model.
♥ watch jakarta jam '11.
♥ buy thousands of sweaters and jackets.
♥ keep only that guy.

well that is it. i hope i will make it all.

so much things had happened in 2010. and all i could learn from it was heartbreak, anger and sorrow. LITERALLY! will this year be better than last year?

last but not least, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

p.s : the date today is so lovely, 1.1.11. but unfortunately, nothing special happened.

For the first time.

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
but we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
sit talking up all night
saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
we're smiling but we're close to tears
even after all these years
we just now got the feeling that we're meeting

for the first time

it's really quite near to new year, is it? although still, around 1 more weeks.
but god, really, a lot of things had happened through out 2010.
how i now knew some friendship doesn't really lasts.. even though i considered them as my bestfriends.
my family complications had decreased in time i became an outspoken woman to tell how i felt,
and also how i understood what true love means.
the 2010 love journey of me: quite long, people :)
january-march:
i'm in love with a guy named let's say, A, just to avoid some misunderstanding. 3 months that i'm in love with him, but he's actually just using me. he likes to ask a great amount of money from me almost every week. what a jerkkkkk
march-july:
I, he's really kind :) he understood me instinctively whenever i'm feeling sad or mad, he always know how to get my good mood back. we're having a relationship for more less a month, and then we broke up because actually he has a girlfriend already. so sad, thought he was the best guy i ever had. well, 2 months later i succeed forgetting him :)
august-november:
my god, kalo inget2 skrg tuh berasanya sedih banget deh. i'm hooked up that time, we could not go to a relationship because of certain things, so sad i have no interest in him anymore right nowww, he's actually a good guy you know? he could get himself to apologize first eventhough it wasn't his fault, he also has a really really great voice ;D i often listened to him singing my favourite songs while playing his guitar, he's really good at it. god, really wished for his happiness.
november-till drop, eh till now hehe:
i'm gonna tell you the story before new year, okay? right before new year. promise, but remind me in case i forgot kan super sibuk hehe.

The Fablous

I have two person that gives me a lot, huge, gazillion of inspirations. 

first :

-Terry Richardson : he is an american fashion photographer, his photographs are noted for their controversial, sexual subject matter. i had always loved his artworks, they are edgy and wild.
as you can see his photographs on his website : http://www.terryrichardson.com/
-Lady Gaga : will always, always be my icon. she is a women with a really great installation. i'm sure she is not mistaken to choose Luc Carl as her soulmate. i can't wait for her new album next february which surely will be incredible :D more : http://www.ladygaga.com/

MYSELF

▲ i am a very suicidal person.
▲ i really hate sarcastic people. well, for me they are noone.
▲ receiving a hug from the back, the greatest moment i will remember.

▲ whenever i decided loving someone, i will try not to dissapoint him even if he did.

▲ i hate my home. i started to feel uncomfort because there are "them" inside.

▲ i dont belong in this world. i mean, i was being rejected wherever i go.
▲ i dont really like kids who likes screaming aloud and acting crazzeeehh
▲ redbull is the best. i like alcohols too, but i still preferred rebull :)
▲ i miss you, *A* . you are the best i ever had.
▲ sometimes being mistaken as a "cheap" girl, but i'm just actually being understanding.
▲ noone knows my true feeling, i tried my best to look straight so that they wont worry :)
▲ i do believe in God. but sometimes i felt that there isn any presence of Him.
▲ good music can boost my mood up.
▲ i am an indie girl, i dont really like being in a groupy with the same style, the same accent.. blah.
▲ i hate staying back when someone underestimate me. you dont know me.
▲ i reallt understood how jerk boys are.
▲ a night out.
▲ i dont like being the center of attention.
▲ i love hardcores.
▲ i dont really care with smoking guys. but i hate boys who cimeng. kaya orang kampung, you know.
▲ text better than speak.
▲ i adore someone from their manner, second the style.
▲ everytime i tried making my own d.i.y stuff, i dont know why it always fails.
▲ dont try to snap me when i dont notice the camera. it will be super shit.
▲ i like the feeling when someone i love wants my attention. that's really cute.
▲ i always wanted to cry each time i listen to a music that has a deep meaning. i want to create the same one, even better.
▲ honestly, i dont like backstreet relationships. it always ended up bad.
▲ i hope someday i will play russian roulette with you.
▲ i dont care with lesbians, gays bisexual whatsoever as long as they are well mannered.
▲ bibimbab is the worst food i had ever eaten. never remind me how it tastes, i will definitely vomit.
▲ had ever tried suicide once.
▲ now is 22.0 and i haven't taken a bath or having my dinner. thanks to you, blogger.
▲ bye, see you later.

Its You.

God , thankyou so much for him. 

i love you because there is none like you.
i love you because you always tries to understand me.
i love you because i enjoy every second with you.
i love you because you always knew how to make me forgive you.
i love you because your hug is the best. the warmest.
i love you because i'm created to.
i love you because you know what to do to make me smile.
i love you because you are the best i ever had.
i love you because i don't have anyone else.
i love you because you love me.
i love you, dear.

P.S : i love you because you are YOU.

Attach Here .

An attachment to something or someone is holding on to the belief that a certain thing or person will fulfill you. attachments keep us alive. they make us strive either to keep what we have or to pursue what we want. but sometimes they can also stick us in neutral, running in circles and getting nowhere. i was stuck, that much was sure.

Live Our Life

Thanks to Good Charlotte.

i just wanna live. the song has a really great meaning for each of us, i'm sure.
no matter what kind of life you're living,
just live.

first of all, do you know why are we given lives?
to make ourselves happy, isn't it?

remember, this is our life.
having your parents divorced,
having your grandpa passed away,
having your report card marked down Fs,

so what?

a divorced parents doesn't mean that we don't have parents anymore.
well, that's their own problem.
so why bother?
a red marks written on the holy report crap doesn't mean that we are dumb.
it's just our talents are hidden somewhere else instead on the report card.
so why bother?

"my life"
MY life.
this is our lives, so we are the first priority.
because it isn't our parent's life.
because it isn't our teacher's life.

we are not selfish by saying all of this.
we do everything that we want as long as it doesn't bother any lives.

even if you go to the clubs and get tipsy,
even if the jack D's making you drunk,
slapped on the cheek but why must we care?
we just wanna live.
just..
be happy.

Sweet, as gone

We like to think there are some things we would never do. standards that we set to guide us through even the most difficult circumstances. depending on what's at stake, however, we may find ourselves thinking and acting in ways we could never have imagined. it's easy to draw a line in the sand, but sometimes it's hard to find that line when the wind begins to blow.

Hummingbird Heartbeat

you make me feel like i'm losing my virginity
the first time and the time when you touchin' me,
i make you bloom like the flower that you never seen.
under the sun we are one buzzin energy.

let's party to create affinity
this evolution with you comes naturally.
some call it signs
signs
we call it chemistry
this is the story of the birds and the bees.

even the seasons change
i want it to stay the same.

you give me that...
hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

flown a million miles just to find the magic seed
oh Iiwould flower with the power that bring light to me.
your so exotic, my whole body fluttering
constantly craving for a taste of your sticky sweet

always on the brink of a heart attack
you can be alive and keep me coming back
i see the sun rise in your eyes
your eyes
you gotta future full of blue skies
blue skies

even the seasons change
i want it to stay the same.

you give me that...
hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

you love me, you love me never love me not
not
oh no
when we are in perfect harmony
you make me so right toward your (sip of me).

oh your wings could make me fly.
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hey yeah
hummingbird heartbeat
hey yeah
hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

Hummingbird Heartbeat

you make me feel like i'm losing my virginity
the first time and the time when you touchin' me,
i make you bloom like the flower that you never seen.
under the sun we are one buzzin energy.

let's party to create affinity
this evolution with you comes naturally.
some call it signs
signs
we call it chemistry
this is the story of the birds and the bees.

even the seasons change
i want it to stay the same.

you give me that...
hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

flown a million miles just to find the magic seed
oh Iiwould flower with the power that bring light to me.
your so exotic, my whole body fluttering
constantly craving for a taste of your sticky sweet

always on the brink of a heart attack
you can be alive and keep me coming back
i see the sun rise in your eyes
your eyes
you gotta future full of blue skies
blue skies

even the seasons change
i want it to stay the same.

you give me that...
hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

you love me, you love me never love me not
not
oh no
when we are in perfect harmony
you make me so right toward your (sip of me).

oh your wings could make me fly.
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
spread my wings and make me fly
the taste of your honey is so sweet
when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

hummingbird heartbeat
hey yeah
hummingbird heartbeat
hey yeah
hummingbird heartbeat
hummingbird heartbeat

Inspired by you

I'm freeeeeeeeee akhirnya uas selsai! hehe trims God for Your guidance through this week, i have done all of my tests well :D so this is the review :

first day :
- Science : mati gw, susah banget. kalo biology sih gw masih bisa karena afalan, tapi physics nya yauda lah pasra aja =_=
second day :
- English : upil, gampang. reading nya tinggal cari di text/ picture, tp grammar nya ada 1 bagian dari 7 yang gw kurang bisa sih.
- Social Studies : the essay part was not so hard, but the multiple choice. bbhuuuhhhhhhhh
third day :
- Religion : uber-ridiculous, really. kyknya emg sir filip ga niat bikin soall =___=" PG nya aja jawabannya A semua, and when i questioned him oh are you sure, sir he said that it was to make it easier for him to check yaelaaah. terus essay nya ada 2 nomer yang mirip2, 1 nomer pake logika, sisanya liat di alkitabbb. ahahah!
- Indonesian : not as hard as i thought, biasanya susah banget sih soalnya. heheheehehehehe
fourth day :
- PKN : no comment
- Maths : lumayan hehehe :D gw cuman gabisa aljabarnya doang, kalo yang laen sih bisalah hehe
today :
- Computer : i dont study at all for this lesson. really, soalnya catetan gw pada ilang semua
- Zhongwen : sorry sok-sokan banget zhongwen zhongwen, ahahah, mandarin maksudnya, inisih gampil hihihi yang bikin huang laoshi sih jadi jawaban part 1 ada di part 2, jawaban part 2 uda ada catetan kosakatanya. ahahah, i did it only for 30 minutes but after then i just dont know what to do -__-  yaudah deh gambar-gambar terus ngobrol ama  baby franky & stephanie :)

so on monday, tuesday, and wednesday i will have the days off :D tp gw gatau sih mo kemana, jalan ama temen males anak2 kelas gw pada ga seru semua. you know, they seems to have their own groupies and when it comes to another topics they dont used to talk langsung mukanya ga enak gitu, aduh malesin bangett deh. angkatan gw yang gw ngobrol sehari2 ya paling cuma chelsea gaby gitu2, wah kalo ga ada mereka i'll be freezed to death. cowok2nya masih asik sih, yang tongkrongan gw dulu itu.

gw lagi berpikir buat seterusnya lebih banyak nulis pake indo aja, soalnya pada protes sih katanya mikir dulu kalo baca blog gw. yaudalah, as you wish guys. anyhow, i am really really in a good mood now. not only because the test is over, but because there will be so many activities ahead like class party, class meeting, christmas celebration etc where i can be free to talk to him :D

Why guys love girl?

1.The way they always smell good even if it’s just shampoo
2.The way they always find the right spot on our shoulder
3.How cute they look when they sleep
4.The ease in which they fit into our arms
5.The way they kiss you and make everything alright in the world
6.How cute they are when they eat
7.The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end its all worth while
8.The way they are always warm even if its minus 30 degrees
9.The way they look good no matter what they wear
10.The way she fishes for compliments even though you both know shes the most beautiful thing on this earth
11.how cute they are when they argue
12.How their hand always seems to find ours
13.The way they smile
14.The way you feel when you see her name on the caller id after you’ve had a big fight
15.The way she says “lets not fight anymore” even though you know an hour later…
16.The way they kiss you when youve done something nice for her
17.The way they kiss you when you say”i love you”
18.Actually.. just the way they kiss you
19.The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20.Then apologizing for crying over something that silly
21.The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22.Then the way they apologize when it really does hurt (even though we dont admit it!)
23.The way they say “I miss you”
24.The way you miss them
25.The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesnt hurt her anymore…Yet regardless whether you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them… it matters not.Because once in your life whatever they were to the world they become the world to you.When you look them in the eyes traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without a trace of sound you know that your own life is inevitably consumed with the rhythmic beatings of her very own heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of a mind, but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.

You're a hot mess, and i'm falling for you. and i'm like, hot damn, let me make you my boo.

fame means nothing unless you do something that's fulfilling you.
-taylor momsen.

Banana peel smoking.

1. Go to the grocery store and buy 10 pounds of bananas. (you used to need 200 pounds, but the potency has gone up 20x in the last 30 years.

2. Remove the skins from the fruit. save the fruit for later - if you mix it with orange juice and drink it while you're smoking, it'll make you trip real hard.

3. Dry the skins in the microwave. this won't affect the potency, as bannadine is not microwave soluble.

4. The next two steps are a simple nonpolar-polar extraction of the bannadine. this is necessary to get rid of the fungicide they put on the skins, which is a type of strychnine. grind up the dried peels really well, and soak them in methylene chloride (zippo lighter fluid makes a good substitute). let soak for 2 days, and then rinse well with ether. discard the liquid and save the mush.

5. Take the mush from step 4 and soak it in ethyl alcohol for another 2 days. filter, and put the mush aside - you won't be smoking it.

6. Evaporate the alcohol. the resultant crystals are 150% pure bannadine. put these in your pipe, light up and enjoy!

7. Bannadine is normally only active when smoked; that's why eating bananas won't do anything. however, that mush left over from step 5 is pretty tasty, bannadine is orally active if potentiated by dried peanut skins! yes, its true. bannadine is really closely related to DMT - it has carbon atoms and everything!

Found this really interesting.

Sweet the sting.

who's going to make me forget you
and get you off my mind?
i could be breaking other people's hearts
if you weren't still breaking mine

She sells sanctuary.

Sometimes i loved being someone random.
kayak blakangan ini, gw lagi seneng2 ngobrol sama someone terus tiba2 gw marah sendiri.. asik banget. it's like no one would ever read your mind, that's basically what i'm trying to do right then. cuma sugesti, tapi emang kadang pikiran kebaca itu yang bkin kita susah. being persuaded over someone's mind, being used for their own advantages. let me give you some tips to avoid your mind being read!
1. don't be too honest, don't lie either. say only what you need to talk.
2. in case you are in a private discussion and you are freezed to death, keep looking someone straight to their eyes even if you are in a state of anxiety. this will boost you up.
3. divert your conversation if you think someone is trying to reveal something. if he or she keeps on insisting you, tell them that you won't speak any further and pretend to be mad :p
4. don't you ever trust a person who says "trust me". they are totally lying.
well thats all i did and it works so far. don't blame me if it doesn't works on you hahaha.

Baru post ke brapa belas ya? sayang bgt deh mesti ngulang, abis yg lama udah jelek banget. i'm a perfectionist loh, liat blog lama gw yg post nya ada yg aneh dikit aja lgsg gw edit. trus skarang bikin yg baru deh, padahal yg lama udah 100an. pengen buru2 penuh blog nya. anyway a week to go and the school will return my blackberry :D was planning to sell it and buy the new one, since my gemini was being used by.. nevermind, pegel2 nih gara2 kemaren gw iseng2 celeb terus maen alat nya kebanyakan. besok gw ada janji lagi ama trainernya jem 3. tell me if any of you goes to the gym so gw ga sendirian disana kan bosen bgt.

I second that emulsion.

Karna gw males pake inggris jadi pake indo aja ya hahaha. Orang2 sekarang tuh aneh. semua dibilang antichrist, barcodes dibilang 666, simbol peace dibilang salib yang dipatahin, tanda sebelum & sesudah doa catholic dbilang salib kebalik. celebrities2 kyk gaga, beyonce, usher etc dituduh illuminati, lady gaga dibilang satanic gara2 di lagu nya dia yg bad romance pertama nya ada "ra ra rah ah ah ah, roma roma ma" katanya "ra" nya maksudnya sun god, terus gara2 dia, hayley williams, jay-z dll juga constantly hiding one of their eyes at their pictures. this is the so called all-seeing-eye.

so i will take a statement from the controversial article i googled. sorry if i was revolving around gaga only, soalnya dia punya yg paling heboh hahaha. and so so sorry for not putting the main picture, there was an error occured while uploading :(

"Gaga is standing between both pillars, wearing Hello Kitty shoes, occultly referring to mind control programming (innocence, childhood, re-education, etc). Her eyes are closed but she has wide-open eyes painted on her eyelids, which is very symbolic: her eyes seem open but they are still wide shut."

The article said gaga's picture refers to the two pillars of jachim and boaz, depicted in a great number of masonic works of arts. so what with the masonic symbology and so what with the god damn HELLO KITTY? does masonic symbol means something bad? what if they were religious symbols? i don't think all celebrities should be an open book. do you have a problem with her just because she has a different outlook from you? don't you think if the illuminati exists they will be aware of what people arguing about them, then come bashing down your doors and eat your brains? she is not stupid btw. it is fun playing with ancient symbology and i think she wouldn't even know where to start in becoming a satan-worshipper.. i doubt she has the time to execute a hidden agenda at the same time designing, write musics, becoming a creative director, nevermind all the interviews with her fans. lady gaga has recently met the queen of england and some people said she was using a red dress that refers to the red queen from alice in wonderland that is masonic so they spread the rumours that the queen is the mother of illuminati. so not ethical.

Nah, this is baphomet, it appears as a figure of satanism.

Lady gaga had once rolled her hair up and looked like a bull's head, then some sheeple questioned it as "is it a baphomet's head on her head?" (as a lot of you may know she likes doing her hair like a ribbon etc), then the picture above itu katanya pose nya looks like baphomet. tp gw ga percaya lah. lady gaga enjoys any kind of fame so she puts any kind of symbols in her videos. she will get more attention no matter if she believes in the crap or not. more and more people became more obsessed with this devil or satanic idea, so you are the one who believed in satans kan? :p if you aren't suitable to the whole demonic things then why do you care? it's like you're being brainwashed to have you thinking about it constantly and it gives her more attention. if you like the dance/electropop thing so just listen to her songs and you will be fascinated no matter how bad the rumour sticks to her, what matters is how you could say she is talented after seeing her playing all the melody on her piano at the stages. she is not a male by the way. she have two genitals, just a little bit penis but she considers herself as a female because it doesn't affect anything to her. and if she does believe in all the demonic minds does it affect her performances, her attitudes? no it doesn't, she even bought her fans pizza while they were lining up to buy her CDs, so i'm so sure you don't need any enlightenment haha, i want a slice of pizza from gaga too :)
eh sori jadi campur2 pake english keterusan hahaha.

Alone again or ...

If you think you know what's going on inside someone else's head, think again. we imagine that love gives us power to read one another's mind, when all we are really doing is reading our own. it's a great self-defense mechanism but no substitute for actual communication. when we enter into a relationship, we want to know that person, every single detail. the best way to know what's really going on someone's mind is also the riskiest : you have to ask them.

Haven't met you for quite a long time. i know you are having a great time with your companion, so i won't disturb you. sometimes i was scared that someday you'll left but i knew maybe it's got nothing to do with me. you always find out how to makes me paranoid. trapped in my own head, without any exit strategy, conflicted by doubt about you and your girlfriend and with only my obsessions, reality takes a backseat to anxiety, changing shape faster than a coney island contortionist. i was realizing that the worst place to be lost was in my own head. i am scared, yet fear is what makes me feel most alive. will i ever feel again the way you makes me feel right now? will i ever kiss your lips again? will this be our last day to say things to each other? the uncertainty keeps me on the rim, sharp, living in suspense, at the edge of possibility. i knew that i had something inside of me that i wanted back, what exactly that was, is you. it's like once i have been loved, my soul will never forget you, even if my mind does. love always becomes the part of my DNA, my essence, my needs. it is as much as knowledge as feeling, possessed by the deepest part of my heart and soul. this can be a blessing and a curse. there is no way to fill the emptiness, no treatment for the persistent pain of love thats gone and missing, except its return.

Sometimes you have to go it alone.

No guts, no glory. like a kamikaze, there are times when you may be required to leave the life you knew behind and give it over a greater purpose. the costs can be high, to your heart, soul, and reputation. whether or nor what you gain will ultimately outweigh what you gave is impossible to know, and really irrelevant. your comfort comes in the knowledge that some things are worth sacrificing for.

Oh, mama!

Being someone who you're not is exhausting. but better to be phony than lonely. that was the way i saw it. in my experience, sitting ducks were dead ducks. but with my whole duck scenario, the question was: was it better to waddle alone in agonizing fear that i would be caught and dragged away at any given moment or was it better to know what i was surrounded by other "ducks" that looked and acted exactly like me, possibly sparing my life by sacrificing theirs? our will to survuve is inherent, i thought, and our will to be popular is survival.

Sorry for putting johnny bravo here. just realized how i used to love watching the series at cartoon network past years ago. his catchphrases "oh, mama!" became popular, fall in love with him. but it doesn't mean that i like big guys. give me a muscular beefcakes and i will turn my head to a dork who loves reading comic books. they are just cute.

Anyway, missing someone who looks like a dork. when i thought it was the time to let go, it it just depressing. letting go, for anyone at any time, can be the hardest thing to do. it is an admission of defeat, of failure. i was one of those people. letting go meant that it was time to give up on everything i had hoped for and dreamed about. that everything i had wanted for was all for nothing. that life was more or less a crapshoot and i had rolled a seven.

School is random, love can also be random.

some kids in my school are riot, they seemed to be brainwashed and obsessed becoming one of the boho popular team. we have the whole concept of popularity backward. we imagine it as a small and exclusive club of people we idolize or envy. but most of popular people are hated by the majority. they tend to be a little too outspoken and selfish, egocentric and had a tons of henchman or followers. so, if you are despised by everyone outside your little clique, and liked only by those inside it, you are vastly unpopular by any objective measure. aneh, malah jadi norak. the key to ultimate popularity isn't to be loved or envied by as many as people as possible but to be loved or envied by the right people, i understood this instinctively. whatsoever about the kids inside my school, they sucks. a few months more and i'll leave :D i don't really have a bestfriend, but i do have an enemy. the great thing about having an enemy is that you know exactly where that person stands. you can't be surprised by a backstab because you know always to be on your guard. in fact, their opposition to you actually helps to make you sharper, by forcing you to justify your own actions and opinions, sometimes even to yourself. if you want sympathy, look for a friend, but if you want honesty, an enemy might be the best friend you ever had :p

now listening to david choi's by my side, kept on playing it thousand times.

so, do you have one of your most favourite love song? like a tune you can't get out of your head no matter how hard you try, love is something you can't get out of your heart. you become trapped in an emotional cul de sac hahaha i mean dead end, going round and round and ending up exactly where you started. breaking free, or not, is usually determined by whether you want to get somewhere slowly or nowhere fast. kudo for kesha, love is really a drug. falling in love is a transformational but not always in the ways that we hope. you go from being a whole person to being a half a relationship, sometimes losing a large part of yourself in the process. unfortunately, it is almost always the secure, self-assured part that turns up missing. but the real trouble begins when you need another person to help you find it. love is never quite what you expected.

that's it, had written a lot, and so sorry for all of you who couldn't enter my previous blog, again, sorry.

i went to puri yesterday with my friends and it was breathtaking. a week ago me and him were planning to go and watch a movie but bcos we've been quarelling a few days ago so we haven't had informed each other about our plan so i thought we wouldn't met. it was around three when we were at gramedia. and hey, i saw him.

i can now see everything

falling to pieces before my eyes

it was really great and gratifying to get him around yesterday. i know i was kinda creepy when i was passing him and i looked back a few times to look what was he doing there, so i decided to call or text him but i just noticed that i had left my phone back in the car.

so it was about seven when me and my friends went to starbucks to get something to drink. they asked me if i choosed sitting inside or outside the cafe, so i told them to take a seat outside because the wind is usually cold around seven or eight. after a while, if i wasn't mistaken, i noticed someone looking at me in the distance. him again.

if i, if i have been unkind,

i hope that you can just let it go by.

if i, if i have been untrue,

i hope you know it was never to you.

it's not you, it's me.

these are the most dreaded words spoken in any relationship. if you hear them, or if you find yourself wanting to say them, you can be pretty sure it's over. a soft landing is being prepared, but the end result is not in question. whoever offers this duplicitous explanation on the way out may not be sure of what they want exactly, but they are sure of what they don't want-you.

Hahaha

keep the change

holding on to someone you know you have to let go of isn't just a way to delay the inevitable for them, but for yourself as well. it protects you from having to make the transition you are about to impose until you are good and ready. like canceling on an out-of-town guest you've been longing to see, but never quite had the time to plan for, it is the convenient, easy way out-for you.

they call it falling for someone for a reason. like some silent movie banana peel, love can trip you up and bring you down flat on your back when you least expect it. either you will bounce right up, undaunted, or become paralyzed. either way, you will carry the reminder of it forever. whether it leaves a tiny scar or a permanent injury, only the future can tell.

i was feeling insecure you might not love me anymore.

we don't miss what we never had, but we miss terribly things we almost had. and we miss things we used to have most of all. though we hope and pray for our relationships, our looks, and our lives to improve, having more also means having more to lose.

Fyi .

you can only get outside by looking inside. some people are in constant fear that their heart might cease between beats, feeling each pulse as a countdown to the end and rather than a vital sign of life. others are barely aware that they even have a heart beating inside them, moving through the day unecumbered by the complexity of their inner workings. worry may not change the outcome, but it definitely affects your outlook. better to care too much than too little?

if you can't say something nice, lie. words not only help us express emotion, they distance us from it as well. they can be useful safety net, protecting your heart from overexposure, parceling out your true feelings in carefully crafted syllables rather than gushing sincerity. they can also be misinterpreted, doing damage by creating an impression in someone else's mind that wasn't intended. sometimes, things really are better left unsaid.

hope against hope.
most hope is false if you think about it. it's a belief that an outcome will be positive despite evidence to the contrary. but where would we be without it? it's the mind's compass and the heart's buoy, which we cling to as we wait for help to arrive. without hope, life is sink or swim.